And now it's time for Silly Songs With Larry

The part of the show where Larry comes out and sings a silly song

Joining Larry are Pa Grape and Mr. Lunt

Who together make up the infamous gang of scallywags

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

We are the pirates who don't do anything

We just stay home and lie around

And if you ask us to do anything

We'll just tell you, we don't do anything!

Well, I've never been to Greenland

And I've never been to Denver

And I've never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul

And I've never been to Moscow

And I've never been to Tampa

And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything

We just stay home and lie around

And if you ask us to do anything

We'll just tell you, we don't do anything

And I never hoist the mainstay

And I never swab the poop deck

And I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all

And I've never walked the gangplank

And I've never owned a parrot

And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything

We just stay at home and lie around

And if you ask us to do anything

We'll just tell you, we don't do anything

Well, I've never plucked a rooster

And I'm not too good at ping-pong

And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall

And I've never kissed a chipmunk

And I've never gotten head lice

And I've never been to Boston in the fall

Huh? What are you talking about?

What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate?

Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about piratey things! (Oh)

And who's ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense!

Why even bring it up?

Am I right?

What do you think?

I think you look like Captain Crunch!

Huh? No, I don't!

Do too

Do not

You're making me hungry

That's it, you're walkin' the plank!

Says who?

Says the Captain, that's who!

Oh, yeah? Aye, aye, Captain Crunch!

Argh!

Yikes!

And I've never licked a spark plug

And I've never sniffed a stink bug

And I've never painted daisies on a big, red rubber ball

And I've never bathed in yogurt

And I don't look good in leggings (you just don't get it!)

And we've never been to Boston in the fall!

Pass the chips

Who's got the remote control?

Here it is!

Time for Geraldo!

It's definitely time for Wapner

Oh, I don't like this show

Hey, look! I found a quarter!